Hi, everyone 🙂 Today I’m sharing some changes I’ve experienced since following Christ. But I must preface this by saying that none of this is magical, or special, or mystical. There was no wand waved and the skies didn’t open up. After reading the Bible in 2018 and becoming a Christian, I’ve simply experienced a few changes that just sort of happened– they weren’t something that I purposely worked on. These changes have had a huge positive impact in my life, and that’s why I would like to share them with you today 🙂
The first change I noticed was that I stopped hoarding. I had amassed a huge library of books, both physical and Kindle copies. Magazines, too. I had box upon box of books, most of which I never read or cared to read. I hoarded other items, too, but my biggest problem was books– nobody bats an eye if you hoard books!
I also had a big (and I mean big) collection of Tarot cards and oracle cards because I used to be in the new age, and I will share about that in the future, but I had maybe 30 decks, and that’s a modest estimate. Tarot and oracle cards are expensive, so when I began to get rid of them I sold a few to the local bookstore so that I wouldn’t “waste” them.
That didn’t last long, however. Before I knew it, I was throwing away these items that I didn’t want near me. I stopped selling them, because I figured if those cards weren’t good for me, they weren’t good for other people! I began to not care how much they cost, and the value that had been attached to them was suddenly unimportant. Books and cards went to the recycling bin or trash.
Even pseudo-Christian popular books I had purchased got thrown away. And… I didn’t care. I would have flipped my lid if I threw away even ONE card just a few months prior! But then, I just did it, no problem. Something so “precious” became junk in my eyes after I experienced the love of God.
Today, I have a completely different view of books. I have less books than ever, but I enjoy them more… because I actually read them! x-) Oh, and no cards!
The second change was deeper and definitely more impactful. I reached forgiveness. I’ll try not to air out too much dirty laundry, but I come from a background of abandonment and neglect, kicked out of the house at an early age. A few months after I turned sixteen, I was already out on my own, working and going through high school, paying bills, experiencing hunger, living from couch to couch.
To this day, my family won’t bat an eye at tossing me out at age sixteen– it doesn’t seem abnormal to them.* I was a sheltered girl who was a total nerd and loved animals and reading, and the reason for kicking me out was they suspected me of having sex. It befuddles me how they could think I was having a life of sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll… while sheltered at home. While at school I was called a prude for not liking any boys and for refusing to wear revealing clothes.
So that really hurt me. And I ended up in a weird place where I hated my parents, but still craved their love. And no matter what I did, I wasn’t getting it. I acted out for a while, nothing. I went to college and landed a job with my own office, nothing. Over time, I began to blame them for every abuse I suffered as a young girl on my own (I was an easy target). The resentment was crippling.
Fast forward a couple of decades, only months after reading the Bible, and I realized I had done something I could never do, even after having read dozens of self-help books– I had forgiven my family. Whatever they said, whatever they did, I didn’t suffer about it anymore. Although still wrong (forgiveness doesn’t mean that a wrong becomes right) I was able to stop ruminating and stop having nightmares and stop blaming. I just… let it go.
Just like that 🕊️
This big deal in my life… poof. Gone. My heart, my entire being, was suddenly full of God’s love– a love I had never experienced before– and I forgave all. It’s hard to explain how decades of pain can be lifted and vanished so quickly, but it just did. The times when I do have a memory of my past, I no longer feel resentment. I have finally reached a place of love and forgiveness!
The third change was me reaching a sense of security, but allow me to explain this. I don’t mean that nothing bad is ever going to happen to me. I’m aware that some preachers preach this, and shame on them– that is not in the Bible. I read it. All of it, for the sole purpose of never being lied to about it. Being lied to is one of the few things that actually offends me.
What I mean is, I have a sense of, no matter what happens, Jesus is with me. He loves me. If I were to get into a car accident, or if my house were to burn down, that wouldn’t mean that He loves me any less. And even though that would suck, He would still be with me. And how great is that??? Maybe things won’t be perfect in this life– I’ll grow old, I’ll get sick, I’ll die– but everything will eventually be okay when I’m with Him. That is the security I mean.
Security has been a big issue in my life, because I’ve not always had it (being on my own so young). And when I went headfirst into the new age in my mid-20’s, I was taught that everything that had happened to me I had attracted to me. It was all my own fault. I became a bundle of nerves, hyperfocused on not “attracting” bad stuff to me, hyperfocused on prosperity, hyperfocused on this feeling that everything was my fault and the moment I even had one negative thought, my house of cards would come crashing down.
It was insecurity to the max.
The book of Job and the book of James did a lot to get me out of the “good things or it’s my fault” way of thinking (that both the new age and some Christians teach.) It’s a giant, unrealistic guilt-trip to believe that if my life isn’t perfect, I “attracted” it to me. That life must be perfect, always. Ugh. Thank goodness that heavy burden has been lifted! I’m no longer crushed by fear and expectations of perfection, but I face life knowing things can go wrong (things will go wrong) and that’s normal, and Jesus will be here. I feel secure.
These aren’t the only changes, but they’re three of the changes that snuck in and I can’t pin-point how or when, and that was kind of a nice surprise 🙂 All glory to God, because I didn’t do anything. All I did was read the Bible in its entirety and learn to trust God. I think these changes are common concerns, things we all go through at some point or another, so you might relate to at least one of them. I think hoarding, unforgiveness, and feeling insecure can be common concerns. Since I think that’s the case, I thought it would be encouraging to share how getting closer to God through His Word can help 🤗
Well, that’s all for today. Thanks for reading this post, which is much longer and much more personal than what I usually write!
안녕! Bye! Ciao!
* I want to add that it’s not my intention to paint my family in a negative light. What happened is in the past and I’ve definitely forgiven and reconnected with my family since.